Gil's Saving Grace
by BellaDonnaButterfly
Summary: Happy New Years everyone, here's a little companion piece to 'Sara's' story, hope you like it, no real timeline, but preseason 8 and the MC Killer, so its a fantasy piece in a way. Sara will be back! I own no part of CSI, ahh if only...


_**This is sort of a companion piece to 'Sara's Saving Grace' and it was started way before the whole Mini CrimeScene Killer stuff happened and Sara's departure and the anguish of GSR fans everywhere. Keep the faith, Sara will be back, but here is a sappy story for you all for now. **_

_**As always I own nothing to do with CSI or whatever, that's all CBS's and Bruckheimer and etc. But if I did, well Sara would have never left and well……..**_

_**Be gentle, be kind, it's pretty tame writing, the old writer's block was really, really bad.**_

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_**Gil's Saving Grace**_

**He knew that he loved her. He had known that for a very long time. His head just couldn't admit what his heart had known already. He, Gil Grissom, deeply loved and needed Sara Sidle. He needed her in his life, in his home and mostly in his heart where she belonged. By finally giving in to the truth, he had gained so much more than he realized, until it was almost too late.**

**He was a creature of habit. He lived that way for years and had resigned himself to it long ago. He knew he was not the easiest person to know, just ask the few close friends that he had and they could tell you how it was to be a friend with Gil Grissom. A solitary man set and resigned in his ways, he rarely strayed from the formula that had worked for so long. That is until she entered and unconsciously disrupted his being. Never had a person gotten under his skin, into his psyche, grabbed his heart or captured his soul like this woman had. To say it was unnerving would be an understatement and to someone like Gil, he couldn't figure out how she had gotten in. Now he didn't care to follow reason or logic, she was there and she was staying. She had said so, and he knew she was a woman of her word. He didn't know what scared him more, the fact that he had given his heart to Sara or that she had given hers to him. **

**Life wasn't always this good; at least his wasn't, not before he knew her. It was funny how he couldn't seem to remember how his life used to be now that he had her in it. It really didn't seem to bother him too much either, forgetting that past lonely existence he once treasured. **

**His life and future were changed on the day she walked into the auditorium. He was busy setting things up just as he liked them and was doing a last minute look-over of his notes when he saw her take a seat in the center of the front row. This captivating girl with the chestnut brown hair and sienna colored eyes had parked herself right in his line of vision and was sitting there with a little smile on her face as she waited for him to start his lecture. "Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Gil Grissom……". **

**Since that fortunate day she was a presence, a ghost haunting his head, heart and soul. Despite the distance between them, she was never far from his thoughts, sitting in the background, waiting for when he needed her again. Life was just fine until Holly Gribbs was shot and Gil needed someone to investigate Warrick. He needed someone on the outside, someone he could trust, and that someone was Sara Sidle. He sent for her and she came. He needed her and she came. Simple as that and yet as simple as it was it was also more complicated than he bargained for. **

**Life was work and work was life…or so he thought. He never actively sought out attention. He preferred to stand in the shadows and observe what happened around him, it was easier that way or so he kept telling himself. He just was not meant to be a people person or a joiner and for almost fifty years he almost believed it too. **

**What did he have to offer a lovely, vibrant young woman like Sara? He was an introverted entomologist that was almost middle aged, who preferred the company of insects to most people. He was not quickly 'gotten', if ever, and while this never particularly bothered him, it did make for few friends and a somewhat lonely life. Only the closest to him knew of his condition, Al and Catherine were the only ones who really knew about it and during that time he had pushed Sara away almost to the point of no return. Caught off guard and in a state of flux, she had asked him out to dinner and he had rejected her outright. It had came off harsher than he had intended. He could not see the pain she was in and the more pain that he had caused. Later on he would know that he was not the only one to have hurt her so badly that time, he wasn't blameless in that but he wasn't the sole cause. **

**The only thing that came out of that time was a relationship stressed to the breaking point and an ever growing emptiness in his soul. Watching Sara recede into her own shell was almost as painful as his withdrawal from her. Still trying to deny any feelings for her, it was the death of what could have been her twin that shook him to the core. At first glance, it could have been Sara laying in that bathroom in a pool of her own blood. Perhaps that was why he pushed himself to the limits on that case, yet he still came up with no solid evidence to tie their main suspect to the crime. Dr. Lurie would walk away a free man for now, but what kind of a life would he have without the one person in it that made him feel alive. Gil knew then that he had to make changes before it was too late, before he lost the only one who made him feel alive inside. Even if he only repaired their friendship to where they were when she first arrived in Vegas, he could try to exist on those rare precious moments when she smiled just for him. One of Sara's smiles alone was worth more than one could ever imagine. When he found her at the police station after she was stopped for a near DUI, he wondered if he would ever see one of her smiles again. **

**Repairing all of the wrongs would take some time and he wasn't sure if some of them could ever be fixed but he was determined to try. He also had himself to work on and he was not sure which would be harder, but life would be a lot harder and bleaker without her in it. Slowly they began working together again, warily at first but soon the old rapport was returning and it felt good to be able to laugh and tease each other again. Seeing her smile was one of his greatest rewards. They were at least friends again and for awhile, he could live with that.**

**Things change when you least expect them to or even want them to. It was the splitting up of the night shift that proved that. One minute they were all together as a team and then they were split up, scattered per se. Working with new people was challenging in its own way, and Sofia Curtis was interesting to say the least. Yet he worried about Sara, he wondered how she was dealing with the changes herself. He had told her once that he wasn't worried, just concerned, and he was. He was concerned when she looked tired or worked longer than she should have, but he didn't want to make her feel like he was scrutinizing her every move and instead kept his silent vigil. After her blowup with Catherine and Ecklie, he feared she had reached her breaking point and went to see her. He found her at her apartment expecting the worst, thinking he was there to fire her, she let him in and waited for it to come. Not wanting to push her too far, he let her tell her story and just listened as a friend, not as a supervisor, or co-worker, just as a person who cared. And then Nick was abducted and almost killed, that was the catalyst for a lot of change. He realized that these weren't just people that he worked with, they were his family and that he could lose any of them at any given moment. The thought of it being Sara inside that glass box, buried alive still made his stomach clinch and his heart almost stop. If it had been her, he may not have handled it as well as he did. **

**It wasn't long after that, that he let go of his fears and excuses and decided to make the first move towards his heart's desire. He found Sara and asked her if she would like to have breakfast together. While he cooked for her, he began to tell her of how his life had been before her, and how much better it has been since he knew her. He tried telling her of his feelings and how he truly felt. To say that Sara was taken aback, although pleasantly, was an understatement. It took awhile but they were finally together and getting closer than ever. **

**Sara….Sara…, even the sound of her name made his soul ache inside. He had almost lost her so many times that he still wasn't sure she was really there at times. Terrified that he would wake up to find it was just a dream, he'd mentally pinch himself every once in awhile to show it was real and thank the fates for making a foolish mortal happier than he'd been in a very long time.**

**He was now in unfamiliar territory and it scared the living hell out of him and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. For once he went with his heart and told his brain to take a break. He had spent so much time denying his feelings for her and pushing her away that he had almost lost her many times, more times he cared to think about actually. How and why she stuck around was a miracle to him, but he said a silent prayer of thanks every day for his many second chances. Second chances that he knew he didn't deserve, and would spend the rest of his days trying to make it up to her any way he could. **

**Rebuilding the trust and friendship that had been scattered in the wind was not an easy task but he was determined to make sure that Sara knew how much he loved her and needed her. So much time gone, wasted from the insecurities and follies of a foolish man afraid to let himself get close to another human being, to allow himself to love. Moving forward was the key he realized and not dwelling on his past mistakes. She had forgiven him and now they were finally together and he was not going to mess this up. **

**Keeping their budding relationship under everyone's radar was not as hard as they thought it would be for working around a group of investigators. Having trained them himself, it would have been a blow to his ego if he hadn't found it so amusing. Catherine alone should have figured it out long ago, but they were quite happy for the time that they had being unknown, uninterrupted and away from prying eyes and minds alike. In the blissful silence of a dream attained, he was amazed at how much he had gained by letting Sara in. What he had before Sara was nothing compared to now. He could see that finally. The empty façade of an existence seemed like a lifetime ago. **

**Gil always thought his saving grace was his deep rooted sense of integrity, his intellect or his desire for justice, it turns out that he was wrong. His saving grace was a woman named Sara, whose own saving grace was her stubborn will that kept her waiting for him. **

**The End**


End file.
